It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize