hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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