She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
