plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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