You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
