She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
