Do you still have your period?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
