I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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