Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
