I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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