I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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