Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
