I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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