I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize