I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
