If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
