best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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