a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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