Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
