what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
