Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
