We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize