Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
