Having a random hookup so left but love u
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
