his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
