Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
im on a boat
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