Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
