I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize