Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
