yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Bring me that man meat
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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