I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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