Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
