Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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