Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
