new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
