ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
