theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
