ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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