nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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