So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
