The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
