I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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