I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
