Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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