You're a womanizer and a bitch.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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