..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
