I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
