If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
