people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
as a side note pls kill me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
