Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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