those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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