So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize