i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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