I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
