you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
