Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
