During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
