I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
