lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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