A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
