Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize