I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
