dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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