I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
