Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
