You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
