sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
