you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize