There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
