Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
