I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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