Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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