Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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