Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
