There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
