did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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