you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
